Writing isn't the easiest thing for me. I love to do it, it is almost like working out, I feel a hell of a lot better after doing it. But, it isn't easy. How do I take all of the things I want to tell you and put it in written word? How do I make you feel the way I feel when I write it?
On occasion when I get stuck on what to write, I will use a blog prompt like "What is the hardest thing you had to wait for?" A lot of what I put on here can be things that I want to get off of my mind or something I felt. It can be something I experience, wore, or even ate. But it isn't always easy to get things written down or written well enough for people to want to continue to read.
The hardest thing I have had to wait for has been the ability to have children. If you are a frequent reader of my blog or actually know me you know that this has been something hard to wait for, for E and I. Some days, months and even years can be tough and sometimes I can make it through. And I know that when they are finally here they are going to be happy and healthy babies and the time it took to get them here will seem short. But sometimes I want to ask God what/where did I go wrong? Was is something I did? Something I am not ready for?
How do I get to go another year without being a mother? I have taken it in stride, I sometimes think that my marriage may not have made it this far if we had children. It would've put a strain on us that maybe we just couldn't handle. And maybe God was giving us these year before having children to enjoy each other and laugh hysterically at the Sonic Commercials.
This was God's way of upholding one of his greatest gifts to my husband and I, each other. Even if we don't feel that way sometimes. I sometimes wonder if a very huge mistake I made in the past has anything to do with it? Or mistakes I continue to make has anything to do with. Is he waiting until I finally get closer to him? Is there something I am doing wrong?
Then sometimes I feel like God has his time that he will give us children and it will be exactly when we needed them and they needed us.