Highs & Lows

It is crazy how you go from the highest of highs, to the lowest of lows. Lately, I feel like I'm standing still and everything around me is blasting right past me. 

For the most part this past year was for me was pretty perfect in a sense, my kind of perfect I guess but lately I have been dealing with a ton of personal shit and my kind of perfect started crumbling around me. I get it, sometimes things have to get shaken up in order to get to another new kind of perfect, yes just like a martini.  

But it was rough, and things that I never thought would've happened, happened. I felt one of my lowest of lows that I've had in a really long time, and it sucked.  I felt like I was losing my best friend and there wasn't anything I could do about it.  Hurtful things were said, things were thrown, and the people we thought we were, were in a sense fading away.  Yup, just like Bella in twilight.  

And while today is it easier to write this and sort of make light of the situation, it still hurts.  It hurts that there are people out there who want to hurt you.  They may not think that they did it consciously but deep down some where in their heart of hearts, it is exactly what they wanted to do.  There is a choice in everything.  I have made my own set of bad choices in my life and I am pretty sure this is part of the karma that I am receiving from it but I am taking it with my head held high. 

In times like this there is blaming you can do or there is healing you can do and while blaming is the easier road to travel, it feels much better to pick yourself up, put on the fucking lipstick and make your life the life you want. If you want to continue your relationship do it, if you want to end it do it but make sure it is what YOU want, make sure the person YOU are at the end of the day, is who you like staring you in the mirror.  

When I had originally started this post it was going in a completely different direction because I was still in the thick of the hurt and pain, I was feeling sorry for myself for things the things that happened and I'm not that person anymore.   

Do I have moments of weakness?  Absofuckinlutely.  I am not perfect, I repeat I am NOT perfect.  

Side Note:
Don't ever envy someone else's life because you never truly know what they are dealing with or going through, trust me. It is easy to post things on social media and act like nothing is going on, but it is also really hard. I sometimes want to post a picture but it isn't really how I feel and then I feel like a fraud.