Letters to Jaxon : 01

J, this one's for you. 

IMG_3641.JPG

J, you are a special kind of kid. When God made us wait for you, he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew that you'd have that perfect smile, the best heart, and the presence of a little king. Hearts melt for you little one and you are so loved.

You are pretty amazing, kid. You are our kind of perfect, and I am so entirely happy you are ours. 

Before you I always told myself I would create a place to write to you, to tell you as much as possible how much you mean to me in case I forget to tell you or you forget when I am gone. 

But it is hard to not always tell you how much I love you. It hard to not squeeze you tighter every day because you are growing too fast and my heart can't handle it.  

I knew once you arrived my heart would forget all those times when we struggled for you, it would forget how much it broke when the test once again said negative, it would forget about all the medicines and how they made me feel, it would forget all the times I cried for you.  Because now all the tears are happy ones and life is what I would call perfect with you.

I want you to know that if there were anything great I've ever done with my life, it was creating you. 

I want you to know that seeing you grow and the new things you do on a daily make me sad because I know you won't be little forever.  And because time flies so quickly, I feel like I'll miss it all if I don't put it down. 

I wanted to tell you that you are my favorite person to dance with and it scares the hell out of me to even think that one day we will be dancing at your wedding [hopefully to a girl I actually approve of, doubtful there'll ever be a girl]. I know it's so far in the future but it breaks my heart some days to see you grow so fast and know that the days and years will pass and I'll look back on this post and read these words of truth. 

If you were to be my only child I have to tell you that you are by far the best I could've ever asked for, whoever comes after you definitely has some big shoes to fill and I can only hope for another as amazing as you. 

I want you to know that you are very special to me and I am so grateful to God every day that you are here. I know I lived life without you for 29 years and I am not sure how I did it. But it did help me to know what good and great are, and you are good and great. 

I love you so, so much my little pumpkin pie.  Please stop growing so fast so this momma can stop crying every time she sees you do something new. It took me forever to write this post because you are moving all over the place and it is really hard to write through tears. 

I love you more and more each day. I love your smiles and head butts in the morning when you try to lay your head next to mine on the pillow.

Happy 7 months, my wild one.  

 Processed with VSCO with a6 preset